Seven Things About Her

About love

… love is when you want someone so fervently that you pay 50% from a sum with a minimum of five figures and the only thing you know is that you're going to see Her in about six months. That is, if you're lucky enough to find a smart ass before you - as in a guy who still has some reasoning in front of the blackboard and cancelled his order.

About sex

… She comes after you've checked Her safety for the entire trip, you've lived every storm on Her trip, saw every port She's been in on Google Maps, had an argument with the salesman who forgot to add the exact features you were dreaming about, but which he considered just a useless jacking up of the price, had an argument with him after he let you know She's here but waiting for clearance, had an argument with the sales director also, it's Friday and you can't make the rest of the payment, then... it's Monday and you finally get Her, dirty and without any of the features set up.

About a one night stand

… it happens in the summer vacation, on a Greek island, where you leave yourself to get seduced by the midget in front of you, who amuses you in glossy pictorials and She smilingly promises you agility and nimbleness, cuteness and finesse plus a delicate skin. I forgot to add the fact that you find Her for rent with the basic features, a little engine and... Oh hail Mary! An automatic gearbox! No, not even Viagra will change your appetite, so at least roll with her in the sand, heavily tip a guy with a four-by-four to pull you out from the beach and then humiliate Her by showing pictures to you friends!

About a moment of clarity

… it comes when you decide that instead of the panoramic sunroof the salesman informed you that it will break in three months, it's not UV treated, it won't protect you from the rain because its seals are cracked, which can no longer be replaced because none of them actually looks like the other although they do in you eyes, you finally give yourself a new laptop as a present. Just a second, because your expenses will be the same times five, you will get an alien dreamed by you as a child which, guess what, it doesn't look at all like the one in the pictures, it creaks from all its joints, it snores and it's as heavy as a 22-inch wheel. Ugh!

About the engagement

… you're seventeen and you promise yourself a sports car at least as tuned as the sports Renault you're inheriting from the closed down service around the corner. You know almost all its parts are the remains of other cars, but who actually cares? You have to make a name for yourself!

And marriage

… you've got the money and have given it a better thought. Life is short and you need stability. There's nowhere to unleash it, but a higher torque will fill you up with adrenaline. Red means love, but a pearl gray is a sign of distinction, and you're a gentleman. Make it a four-wheel drive also. Too bad you can't have a manual and an automatic... now you want a Mac with Windows. Argh, you can't find one anywhere! Plus, they don't have the same thing with a convertible roof and a high ground clearance! Maybe next year, when the new models are coming out!

About the honeymoon

… you would have never imagined, I know, but the airplane is safe, so is the motorboat, the sail boat, the raft, a pair of slippers through the desert, the helicopter, the train, the balloon, anything but the car.